When I started this blog it was to help me through a difficult time in my life. It has been a prop, a sounding board and a great source of support. Thank you so much to my followers and commenters, every word you have written has meant a great deal to me.
But now I am in such a different place. Our second daughter is safely here and we are all facing big changes, not least moving to a new county. I have decided to start a new blog to mark this fresh start. I may come back and write here again in future but for the time being I am going to stop posting here.
I won't refer to this blog in my new one to keep this content separate from the next chapter. But I am very happy for anyone here to follow our ongoing story.
So for the next instalments, please click over to the new blog here.
Best of luck to those still on their infertility journey. However your story ends, I wish you peace.
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
Saying goodbye to Maria
This morning I had my final follow up session with my therapist, Maria. It's been several weeks since our last session and they have been pretty eventful!
We discussed how the last few weeks have gone, what techniques I have used to manage my worries and how I'm feeling about various aspects of the future. It was easy to see how much my reactions to anxiety have changed over the last year.
I spoke about lots of topics and saw how I am now able to take a step back and introduce a degree of rationality into my worries as a first step to breaking them down. When I feel under pressure now I always ask myself, "Who is making you do this?" Sure enough, most of the time it's only me.
The most striking difference is how I feel about Abigail. She's no longer a precious object I'm sure I'm going to break or lose. I see her as her own person with a real future, not just the baby she is today but the child she will be and the amazing woman we believe she will become.
I haven't changed who I am. I still worry about things and feel driven to be as perfect as I can. I dislike asking for help and giving other people control over things in my life. But I can now balance this to ensure I don't burn out or fall back into continuous sadness and feelings of inadequacy.
As I was leaving I said how Maria's job is about helping people get to the point where they don't need to see her anymore. I am reaching the end of so many things - life in London, longing for a second child, full-time work. This was the first of many goodbyes.
It also helped me decide that I'm definitely going to stop posting on this blog soon, for the time being at least. But I am also going to start a new one. When that is up and running I'll put a link here for anyone who would like to keep following our new adventures!
We discussed how the last few weeks have gone, what techniques I have used to manage my worries and how I'm feeling about various aspects of the future. It was easy to see how much my reactions to anxiety have changed over the last year.
I spoke about lots of topics and saw how I am now able to take a step back and introduce a degree of rationality into my worries as a first step to breaking them down. When I feel under pressure now I always ask myself, "Who is making you do this?" Sure enough, most of the time it's only me.
The most striking difference is how I feel about Abigail. She's no longer a precious object I'm sure I'm going to break or lose. I see her as her own person with a real future, not just the baby she is today but the child she will be and the amazing woman we believe she will become.
I haven't changed who I am. I still worry about things and feel driven to be as perfect as I can. I dislike asking for help and giving other people control over things in my life. But I can now balance this to ensure I don't burn out or fall back into continuous sadness and feelings of inadequacy.
As I was leaving I said how Maria's job is about helping people get to the point where they don't need to see her anymore. I am reaching the end of so many things - life in London, longing for a second child, full-time work. This was the first of many goodbyes.
It also helped me decide that I'm definitely going to stop posting on this blog soon, for the time being at least. But I am also going to start a new one. When that is up and running I'll put a link here for anyone who would like to keep following our new adventures!
Friday, 15 July 2011
Supermum fail
Abigail is four weeks old and a total treasure.
She sleeps and eats well. Her rare long screaming fits are always wind pain which can be soothed by changing positions. OK, so two hours of moving her about and soothing her in the middle of the night isn't easy but it's nothing like real colic and I am very grateful.
Recovery is almost complete and I've been out and about a lot. This is a total change from first time around, so I've been feeling great. I'd be doing even better if I could get over my inability to nap during the day but I'm working on it!
We are with my parents for a few days and had got the buggy delivered here ahead of our big move in a few weeks' time. So last night I decided to break out the buggy and put it together. I am the least techinically-minded person in the world but I was determined to succeed.
So in a ridiculously overconfident but somewhat tired haze, I opened the box and slid the components out. And the front wheel rolled out, bounced once and hit my sister's freestanding mirror. I watched it topple in slow motion and smash into dozens of lethal shards and hundreds of splinters all over the top of the stairs...
Lesson learned. Tonight I am handing over the night shift to my husband and getting more than 4 consecutive hours sleep for the first time in a long while.
But the buggy turned out beautifully in the end!
She sleeps and eats well. Her rare long screaming fits are always wind pain which can be soothed by changing positions. OK, so two hours of moving her about and soothing her in the middle of the night isn't easy but it's nothing like real colic and I am very grateful.
Recovery is almost complete and I've been out and about a lot. This is a total change from first time around, so I've been feeling great. I'd be doing even better if I could get over my inability to nap during the day but I'm working on it!
We are with my parents for a few days and had got the buggy delivered here ahead of our big move in a few weeks' time. So last night I decided to break out the buggy and put it together. I am the least techinically-minded person in the world but I was determined to succeed.
So in a ridiculously overconfident but somewhat tired haze, I opened the box and slid the components out. And the front wheel rolled out, bounced once and hit my sister's freestanding mirror. I watched it topple in slow motion and smash into dozens of lethal shards and hundreds of splinters all over the top of the stairs...
Lesson learned. Tonight I am handing over the night shift to my husband and getting more than 4 consecutive hours sleep for the first time in a long while.
But the buggy turned out beautifully in the end!
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