When normal is great ... and not so great

Test results back today. Diagnosis was normozoospermia for hubby – hurrah! I think he was hoping for a sentence reading “Good news, you are Mr. Super-sperm” but that’s not how they record the results. “Normal” is as good as it gets.

I am so relieved. I felt sick walking home today worrying about what would happen if things were about to get even more complicated. On the other hand, I feel ambivalent about my blood test results. Everything is normal. Clearly that’s great ... but then WHY am I not pregnant??

In 2007 I was told an ultrasound indicated polycystic ovary syndrome. Now I am wondering if this is the case. I know it sounds mad but I am counting on having PCOS, in order to get a clear way forward. I want something where they can say, “You have this. Therefore we can do this, this and that to sort it out.”

As I understand it, there are three indicators for PCOS. One is abnormal blood test result (nope), a second is irregular periods (yes), and the third is polycystic ovaries on ultrasound. A diagnosis needs two out of three. So if they scan me on Wednesday and don’t find anything then I just have terrible cycles for no obvious reason.

Oh well, one step at a time.

In other news, work is getting more tricky at just the wrong time. I am being transferred to a new team, partly to sort out some performance issues there. This is a great compliment but I am hoping it won’t trigger a whole lot of new problems for me just when I am trying to cope with this lack-of-baby stuff. I am also really grumpy about the idea of what people will think if I were to get pregnant - “Oh, she just did that because she was transferred into a more difficult job and wanted a get-out clause.”

That’s right people, I could get pregnant whenever I like but decided to spring it on you now for my own convenience... I wish it were that easy! On the other hand, if I do get pregnant I will be so over the moon I won’t care what anyone thinks because it will be completely irrelevant. What a great problem that would be to have! Talk about counting chickens. I am really looking forward to this phase of the waiting being over.

43 hours and counting.